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Frustrated parents should look inwards for solution, say experts

The stresses of parenting mean most mums and dads momentarily lose their cool at least a couple of times.

When it does happen, it never feels good but getting wound up can be a catalyst for self-reflection and improvement.

Grounded Parents Group, an organisation which seeks to empower parents in facing the inevitable challenges of raising children, lends its experts’ support in unpacking this natural reaction and channelling it positively.

Co-founders Sanela Lukanovic, from Hampshire, and Terri Creeden, who lives in Switzerland, talk through parental anger and overcoming it:

They said: “There’s so much shame about parents losing their calm.⁠

“Let us make it clear that we do not think that losing our cool and shouting is okay. We all know it’s not.⁠

“What we’re saying is that from the place of shame and harsh self-criticism, we cannot make the change we want to make. ⁠

“Being triggered is normal.⁠

“It’s hard wired in our DNA. That’s what helps us react when we see a car coming or our toddler is reaching out for a hot cup of tea. ⁠

“It’s normal but not necessary.⁠

“When our child’s behaviour triggers in us a reaction that is too big and leaves us feeling crap about it, we can turn this around by a simple reframe.⁠

“We can acknowledge that there’s something more about this. ⁠

“Behind every behaviour there is a need that’s not being met. This is true for children and for parents alike. ⁠

“Get curious and ask yourself:⁠

What’s your trigger trying to teach you about you, your needs, childhood wounds?⁠

What is your child’s behaviour trying to teach you about what they’re feeling or needing in the moment?⁠

“A gentile, compassionate curiosity can be a balm and the light out of the reactivity and into the calm. ⁠

“We’ve recently made a new video series talking about the mistakes parents make when trying to stay calm. We’ve both made all three of them! However, once you know what they are, it’s easy to fix them. Most of us make them because we don’t know that we’re even making them!

“Grounded Parents Group is dedicated to the parent, not parenting.”